The idea of filling up

I have a mother who cooks, cleans, and irons to show love; a husband who buys electronics and performs home renovations; and a friend who gives plants. (Lucky me, a lot of people in my life show love through giving me food :)

Initially, when I was much younger, I didn't understand and didn't see those actions as valid expressions of love. In my mind, you had to say the words. Non-verbal expression didn't count.

As I matured, I began to see that not everyone expresses love or other emotions, in words. Maturing some more, I began to understand then finally accept it.

Now I am learning to express in actions - something I previously thought incorrect and unenlightened. But if you're going to be expending this "I love you" energy, someone might as well get a clean bathroom out of it. (My ex cleaned the bathrooms every day - something I did not appreciate at the time, and now sorely miss.)

I enjoy the un-awkwardness of depositing a small herb in someone's hand and not making a big deal out of it. Yeah, I love you, we all know that, let's move on.

I was thinking about this while surveying the bathroom vanity. We have less storage than the previous house, so I am learning how to make things fit. I decided that eliminating costco runs for toothpaste, shampoo etc, would decrease the amount I have to store; that it's more efficient to buy one tube at a time. Yes, over the consumption of ten tubes, we would save four dollars but really, it's worth two dollars a year to not have to store it.

And I wondered why having all that stuff had seemed so important before. Before the move and before the divorce. Nowadays I'm perfectly happy to buy one thing at a time. Before, the idea of 'having a supply of everything' was a sort of sense of having it all, and being complete, and being safe.

I realised that I have been buying in bulk for a sense of providing for my family. It's the same motivation as when you overeat. To make me and them feel warm and comforted.

So I've change my "I love you/providing for my family" actions from consumerism, to creating with my kids. Time spent in an activity together, in an as egalitarian manner as possible, really says I love you.